Introduction

So it's about 5am on a wow I can't even remember the day ummmm a Wednesday morning.  I've been trying to sleep for a few hours now but I can't sleep and I got work soon.

Anyway my introduction and what this blog is about.  My name is Hoobie and the person this blog is about is my love Boobie.  And this is about how I am dealing with the Break up of our 3 and a half year relationship on Sunday.

First of all I don't know if anyone will read this or even one day she might stumble across it but I just want to get my feelings down and try and cope with this loss.  Even writing this now I am shaking.  I've never been much of a writer and not one to express my emotion but hopefully this gives me some kind of outlet and somehow try and fill a void in my life that she has left.

OK bit about the back story.  I must make clear I am not the victim in this and I do not deserve even an ounce of sympathy from anyone.  I am a monster and a bad person.  I have hurt, lie and cheated a lot of people of the past few years and I deserve everything I am feeling right now and even more so.  I don't want to get into too much detail about the back story I just want to deal with the now and how I am dealing with the loss of the person I love. I suppose even Bad people have hearts and have to deal with a broken heart.

Oh yeah Hoobie and Boobie are nicknames we gave each other :-) I suppose they was the terms of our affection to each other.  We would use them all the time and we would always call each other that.

Boobie was and is the most amazing person I've ever met. she is beautiful inside and out.  She has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen and when she smiled oh wow there was not a better sight in this world.  I do miss that smile so much and I suppose towards the end I didn't see much of a genuine smile like I used to :-(

Anyway I put her through a lot of pain. and I hurt her a lot.  I can now understand some of the pain she must have had to deal with during out time together and she stuck by me. I must say none of this was deliberate and just one thing led to another and before I know it I was heads over heals for her and I didn't have the courage to tell her the truth which I suppose I should have done but it's hard when you think it might hurt that person or they'll leave.  Maybe if I did back then lot of people wouldn't have got hurt the way they did and I wouldn't be feeling the way I am now. But then I wouldn't have got to know her and spend the most amazing 3 years together.  I don't know swings in roundabouts.  Sometimes I regret everything and other times I don't.

I may edit this later but I think that's as much as I am willing to share right now. I am hoping to keep a journal and this will let me express myself,  I come from a very macho family so showing weakness like this is not well something I can do and I can't really share this with anyone else really.  There is one friend but I suppose I don't want to bore him constantly every day and minute about how upset I am.  But he suggested writing a journal might help me cope.  Fingers crossed.