Day 10

Tuesday 26/11/2013

at work now.. late again.. hardly slept at all last night.. range of emotions going through me.. from anger, to hurt, to jealousy, to love... felt physically sick... couldn't wait for morning to come and I can get ready for work.

Been trying to not think about her and think more about myself and more about my happiness and what I can do.. I can't help but think of her.. it's only been 10 days since we broke up and suppose it's still very early yet.. the last we communicated was last Wednesday when we emailed each other and my stupid phone call on the Sunday.

I suppose as each day goes on.. it's another day I'm getting stronger.. I need to keep reminding myself that.. she has brought me crashing to my knees.. I never thought my boobie would do that to me.. I suppose that's what hurts the most... I question our love and whether it was genuine.. I don't know.. maybe the anger and the hurt is blocking my better judgement...

I have a presentation to give today.. she would have been really proud of me and ask me lots of questions after about how it went.. she doesn't even know now I got a presentation to give.. that's how much we are out of each other's lives now.. we have become strangers.. amazing how 3 and half years of knowing someone can disappear in just a flash... I feel really down today.. I suppose I'm gonna have good days and bad days.. I know they are more bad than good..  I'm gonna try and focus on me now.. why can't I be happy without her..  I will be happy without her..

Just had my presentation.. it went well.. really missin boobie now.. would have loved to tell her all about it..

"Boobie, I just had my presentation.

Oh my days there was loads of people.. about 20 I think.  I was bit nervous but because my stomach is feeling funny anyway I didn't feel that nervous.  I suppose that was advantage of being heart broken at the time LOL.. anyway just thought I'd let u know it went well.. It only took half an hour which is good.. and they asked lots of questions after and lot of people said that it was a really good presentation.  Just gotta make sure I deliver it now.. hopefully in a couple of weeks it'll be launched.. I'll let u know.. On here obviously.. LOL I don't like the new boobie.. I don't think she'd be interested anyway :-P... mwaaaah love u :-*** xxx"

Finished gym.. worked out arms and did a little jogging for 10 mins.. was feeling quite positive after gym and driving home.. got home and my housemate decided we should go and eat out.. which I agreed thought it would do me good to get out the house.. went to Frankie and Bennies and I think my heart stopped.. I think it was way too early to start going out like that and I think I pushed little too far.. so many couples out on dates.. holding hands... whispering sweet nothings.. chatting away... laughing.. enjoying each other's company.. I couldn't wait to get out of there.. I tried to put on a brave face for my housemate but I think he saw that it was way too much for me to take.. it was too soon.. all I could think about was boobie going on dates with the her new man.. them holding hands.. all being nice and romantic.. I didn't eat much.. just wanted to get out there and into the comfort of home.. tucked away..

just sat watching tv.. trying not to think about anything.. just wanted to write my journal and hopefully I can close my eyes and get some sleep tonight... tomorrow it'll be a full week since we last made contact.. nite nite and sweet dreams to myself.. xxx