Day 11

Wednesday 27/11/2013

Managed to get a better night sleep last night.. I had my laptop on all night with just some tv playing in the background.. I don't know I just find it soothing having some kinda background noise at the moment.. everytime I would start thinking of boobie I focused on the background noise.. I remember when me and boobie would facetime each other and watch each other sleep.. LOL :-) aaah me and boobie were something else..

I still woke up about 6ish and homes under the hammer was on so I started watching that..  I then started feeling sleepy again so played a little candy crush and went to bed again and woke up at 8..  I'm a little hungry now.. I've not really ate much at all..  I can see I've lost a lot of size around my shoulders lol and my waist too..

Well I'm at work now.. I hope boobie got to work ok.. I do wonder if she is ok :-( I know it's not my place but u don't all of a sudden stop caring about someone..

I really feel like contacting boobie today and just chatting to her.. I know it's not really going to change anything.. and I don't think I would want anything to change either. but I do miss talking to her..  I suppose I have to give her time too..

Oh well lots of work today boobie.. got a launch to do today.. and I need a coffee.. ooooh a boobie kiss would go down well too :-**

Managed to have a salad and soup again for lunch.. it's amazing how stuffed I feel from eating that.. in the past that would have been nothing and I would have needed something else to keep me going..  Still can't stop thinking about boobie and really want to make contact.. feel like with each second and each hour we are drifting further apart but then again maybe that's what it needed.  I suppose she's used to not emailing me now.. we used to make each other laugh.. tell each other about funny stuff that has happened in our day.. LOL I do have some funny stories to tell her.. LOL I can imagine her reactions..  I'm not sure if it's healthy for me to keep thinking of her like that and think of the good things.. or just keep focusing on the hurt.. nothing is really helping anyway..

Made a stupid mistake of re-reading the emails from when we broke up.. grrrrr I have got to stop doing that!!!

been busy at work so that's been good.. starting to feel a little hungry now again so maybe my appetite is starting to creep back too :-) so that's good too.. Gonna have a coffee now and help me wake up a little before I go gym later on.. I would have normally gone to see boobie tonight.. I know the evening and nights are harder to take.. wondering what she is up to.. part of it is jealousy but I think lot of it is I still love her and want to know she's ok..  even if she emailed "OK" lol that would be perfect.. I think I'd sleep with lot more comfort.. we don't have to have a conversation or anything..

Boobie we didn't manage to launch today :-(  we had some issues.. so hopefully tomorrow morning yeah.. fingers, toes and everything crossed..  hope ur work is going well.. don't work too hard and please be careful driving home.. mwaaaaah xxx

17:30 - Just about to log off now and go gym..  my housemate ain't in till later he said today so might spend longer than usual in gym if I have the energy.. boobie I think I might train a little chest today and do some cardio yeah.. let's see xx

Just about to go bed.. not really had a good evening.. I managed to eat bit more today.. I had fish and chips boobie.. bit fat chunky chips.. u would have liked them.. I could only eat about quarter of the fish and some chips.. it's the most I've ate since me and boobie broke up.. been feeling really down.. and broke down again.. really missing boobie lots... my housemate suggested we have a little smoke which we did and we had a little to drink.. so just a little tipsy and sleepy... Masturbated today.. first time i've ejaculated since me and boobie.. last made love :-( don't really feel good. just got it out my system.. was gonna think of boobie but that would have made me feel worse.. instead put on some porn.. again didn't really do itfor me.. but it's out of my system now.. hopefully I can get a good night's sleep.. oh well I should be proud.. it's another day I've got through.. nite nite to my old boobie.. don't wanna even talk to the new boobie.. I fucking hate her.. xxx