Day 15

Sunday 1st December..

Hardly slept last night.. had a little break down again in bed.. had tear in my eyes and I couldn't even let my heart go and cry all out :-( I miss her so much..  I woke up about 6.. checked my emails and still no emails from boobie.. I hope she is ok.. I went back to sleep and tried to sleep again.. I woke up at about 8ish.. I checked twitter and found that Paul Walker from Fast and Furious had died in a car crash. that was really sad :-( I know this is something me and boobie would have talked about..

I had some breakfast boobie.. I forced myself to have some eggy bread.. but now I feel really sick.. I'm gonna go gym soon and then football.. It'll be a week now since I last tried to call boobie on my way to football.. I hope I'm stronger today and don't get that urge to call her and talk to her..  I still can't believe it's all over.. I suppose it's only 2 weeks and after 3 and half years with someone u don't just stop loving them like that..

I been thinking about boobie and I think when she has a family and kids I will be so happy for her.. I know she'll be a great mother.. she's so caring and brilliant around kids.. she's gonna be awesome.. she treated me like a little baby.. I remember when she'd rub her face against mine like a cat :-) aaaah I miss that so much.. she'd have a look of satisfaction and happiness when she did that..

It's nice and sunny today.. so hopefully boobie is smiling and happy today :-) I'll try and put on a smile today too boobie.. mwaaaaah xxx

Gonna get ready for bed soon.. been thinking lots about things and thinking boobie left me for someone.. I know I've lied to her but I've never left her or replaced her.. whereas she replaced me just like that.. she treated me badly once she did.. do I really want to be friends with her ever again.. nope I wouldn't..  I don't really care for her anymore.. she was toxic and it's good that she is out of my life.. now I can make some progress and do the right thing..  it's hard I have moments that I still miss her but at the moment.. I don't think I care for her. if she contacted me... would I reply.. yes I think I would coz I still do have love for her.. but I'm hoping not for long.. she doesn't deserve my love.. she'll realise this one day.. she'll look back.. I had no issue with her moving on.. but she kept me hanging on till she found someone else and just discarded me like that.. what a fucking bitch..

I think I'll sleep better tonight.. and tomorrow I focus on my self.. I do not even want to think of her at all.. nite nite