Day 16

Monday 2nd December

Lunch time now.. just had to do a presentation again.. not really feeling great or positive today.. managed to get some sleep last night.. cried a little again last night but it's difficult I have to hold back the tears..

Feeling hurt, anger confused.. don't know whether I would want a friendship with boobie.. I'm still angry the way she has treated me.. I don't know how I could forgive her.. I wish I had recorded the conversations so I can remember how cold and distant she was with me.. how I could tell from her voice she had no love left for me.. how she broke my heart..

Feeling hungry and sleepy now.. gonna listen to some music and focus on anything else at the moment.. starting living my life.. I know I was happy before I met her.. I know I can find that again.. she did make me feel great but I can find that back again..

I know I would have told her about my presentation but it's something comforting that she has no idea about how I feel and what I'm upto and I don't know about her too.. everyday we become further apart and hopefully that distance brings us both happiness and comfort.. when 2 people were so close it's never gonna be easy to force that separation..

Going gym later on today and told my nephew let's chill out later on.. I told him all about my relationship with boobie yesterday after gym.. he gave me a hug.. but least he now understands why I've looked upset the past week or so..

Ahhh boobie I have good news.. they've sorted them issues out.. so now my mobile site looks like it's working properly :-) aaaah that's awesome.. I just need to do some more testing but I think it'll be fine now..

Starting to feel sleepy.. fell asleep watching bargain hunt.. been having on and off thoughts about boobie.. I feel numb.. I feel hurt.. I feel sad.. I feel like she doesn't care.. I am so tempted to contact her.. email her and ask her how she is.. demand to know if she ever cared about me.. how she could just leave me like that.. did I really mean nothing to her.. to explain these things.. why she refused to see me.. I know I'm not gonna get answers and I have to let them go and move on.. I have to stay strong and resist the temptations to email or call her.. I need to start focusing of the people in my life that have stuck by me and give them my love and attention eventhough all I want to do is give all my love and attention to her.. I might have a shower soon and hopefully that will make me feel bit fresher and more focused on a fresh start..

16:22.. really missing boobie so much.. feel awful she is no longer part of my life.. I so want her back.. back to being mine :-( I miss her so much.. I love her so much.. I just want to hold and hug her and not let go.. so she never leaves me again :'-( feel like crying..

Been gym and went to my parents after for a little bit.. just had cereal when I got back... I am feeling little better now.. I think the physical exercise does let me get rid of some of the anger.. just a shame I can't eat to fuel my body to work out harder.. starting to feel sleepy but the night times, dreams, nightmares, emotions, thoughts scare me so much that I don't wanna go up to bed... I need to try and think about myself and my own postives now.. my own life and stop thinking about boobie.. just need to take each day at a time.. and I got through another day somehow and that's a positive... :-)

Now got to bed hoobie and try and get a good night rest... big hug to urself
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