Day 22

Sunday 8th December

Again didn't sleep too well last night.. don't know why but I felt angry last night and I couldn't sleep.. grrrrr why do I get like that.. I wish I knew how to control it.. I tried to focus on other things and that helped me fall in and out of sleep...

Didn't go gym today.. just went to play football... was tempted to call boobie but I held back.. I screamed and shouted in the car that helped me get some aggression and frustration out.. why would she want to talk to me.. she doesn't care for me anymore.. don't know why I keep thinking that she still loves me.. that she still cares.. but she doesn't.. the sooner I realise that the better...

Struggled to play football.. played most of the game in nets.. even my mate said am I ok.. I looked fucked :-( I couldn't wait to get football out the way and just get home....

I had a shower when I got back and that made me feel better.. I just had a bowl of crunchy nut and thats it... didn't feel like eating anything else... my legs are aching today... lack of sleep and hunger are catching up to me... I hope I manage to be ok driving down south tomorrow..

Not really done much today.. just been sat watching tv.. and in and out of sleep.. I have got into the habit of reading twitter to get into the habit of not checking my emails..

I had some chicken and chips for dinner.. again really couldn't eat much.. really struggling to eat but least I am trying and hopefully the stronger I get then hopefully my appetite will return..

been watching the snooker final.. again I been trying to get into the habit of actually focusing of what I'm watching rather than just watching and thinking about boobie.. it has helped to not overthink so much...

when I feel anger.. I try and take deep breaths or when I feel that anxiety or panic pains I try and just focus on positives and breathe it all out..

I feel absolutely drained.. Probably head for bed soon as the snooker is over and try and get a good night sleep..